After no luck with health insurance or TANF benefits and a weekend of the kids trying to kill each other once again that chased the week of school director calls, teacher conferences and behavior reports from the boys for hitting other kids, leaving class and the school buildings and swearing at teachers…we lost our minds.
David told them that if we can not get help from DCFS this time, and immediate help, that we will have to give them up.
I have never heard such gut-wrenching screams and cries in all of my life. They didn’t react this way when mom was incarcerated. It kills me. I love them, I do. Saying that broke my heart into a million pieces and seeing them and my husband crumble was too much.
The fact is that with a power of attorney, we haven’t been able to help them and they are getting worse. They need therapy and their medications. They are a risk to themselves and others now. Not to mention that David and I are just exhausted. There is no calm time or down time. The kids are never “good” or “settled”. Someone is always bouncing, spinning, hitting, yelling, counting, asking, manically laughing. All. The. Time.
Part of me hopes that DCFS can help us, and part of me doesn’t want them to. Part of me thinks that the kids would be better in another home, with someone who is better trained and where they can get help. Part of me just wants a break from this madness.
I love my husband, but he isn’t the one that’s taking the brunt of the daily life. He says he understands but he doesn’t. He doesn’t have to make the phone calls and meetings. He doesn’t feel the judgment when the teacher looks him in the eye and says “So, Chris hit John in the gym today for no reason. He just walked up and punched him in the chest, then head-butted him.”.
I love them, but I’m done and that kills me.
Kinship care doesn’t work. They say “it’s better for the kids” but the bottom line is, it’s better for the system because it’s cheap and easy and you can place the kids and forget them. IT DOESN’T WORK!